How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat? A: I feel about food with my hands. I eat to startle octogenarians
What is your biggest flaw? A: I give out too much money.
3 favorite authors A: Larry Gonick, Orson Scott Card, Sinclair Lewis
What are the hallmarks of success in life? A: a case of canned beans and a pocket full of cheese
What is your biggest mental fuck-up? A: I'm a pathological liar
What is your favorite animal? A: choloate bunnies Describe it.
A: The non-hollow kind with a purple ribbon
How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her? A: femptoseconds Jump her?
A: nanoseconds Dump her?
A: milliseconds
How old were you when you first kissed? A: 0x11 Had sex
A: 0x13 Smoked Pot?
A: 0x15
Do you use recreational drugs? A: Yes
What?
A: Winnebagos
When?
A: on vacation
Still?
A: Yes
Have you ever been married/lived with someone? A: Married
Who worked?
A: me Who cooked?
A: me Who cleaned?
A: me
Do you know how to cook? A: Yes
Do you like to cook? A: Yes
What are the things you cook best? A: sunnyside minds on drigs
Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deodorant conditioner zitcream aftershave A: gel mousse cologne dedorant aftashave
What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent? A: Stuck a piece of blue paper to a chicken then frightened it. as a college student? A: Sniped people from the bell tower as a working stiff? A: Went postal in a McDonalds
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be? A: Loquat If I were, what would I be? A: Karen Ann Quinlen
If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do? A: Paint a smile on my forehead with salmon mousse
Do you think there is life after death? A: Yes
On other planets?
A: Yes
Are you psychic?
A: No
Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane? A: Yes
Why?
A: Well I did those crazy things, right?
Were you ever in the armed forces? A: No
Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs? A: No
What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years? A: Zip-Loc
What is the biggest problem...
...all women have? A: men
...all men have?
A: women
...with our society? A: people aren't wearing enough hats
Which do you prefer: A: Plants
Why?
A: Animals bleed more when you bite into them
If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy? A: An ottoman
The second?
A: a Reliant k-car
The last?
A: Kraft Dinner
Who has been the greatest influence in your life? A: David Berkowitz
How do people describe you? A: quiet, keeps to himself, not at all the type to kill Buckwheat
How do you describe yourself? A: He looks a lot like me, but Im taller.
Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers? A: Yes