What are the hallmarks of success in life? A: Getting a date with Sonic.
What is your biggest mental fuck-up? A: zapped acid brain my with I ... uh ...
What is your favorite animal? A: Sonic. Describe it.
A: You tell me.
How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her? A: Maybe it's the other way around? Jump her? A: But maybe it's not. Dump her?
A: How dare you question my motives?
How old were you when you first kissed? A: Does that incident with my uncle count? Had sex A: Someone mentioned this sex thing to me. What's the big fuss about? Smoked Pot? A: uh ... what was the question again?
Do you use recreational drugs? A: Yes
What?
A: Head cleaner, CD-zapped-in-microwave fumes
Have you ever been married/lived with someone? A: Married
Who worked?
A: Neither. The dog did it. Who cooked? A: Neither. The dog did it. Who cleaned? A: Neither. The dog did it.
Do you know how to cook? A: No
Do you like to cook?
A: Yes
What are the things you cook best? A: heroin? Does that count?
Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deoderant conditioner zitcream aftershave A: mousse gives you a good high, but with zitcream you just get a bad hangover
What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent? A: Dreamed up a wild story about billboards with Satanic messages like "http://www.bankamerica.com" on them. as a college student? A: What's college? as a working stiff? A: What's work?
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be? A: a brain-dead homosexual on a respirator If I were, what would I be? A: probably the same thing.
If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do? A: Invite him to a menage-a-trois.
Do you think there is life after death? A: Yes
On other planets?
A: Yes
Are you psychic?
A: Yes
Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane? A: Yes
Why?
A: Because I am.
Were you ever in the armed forces? A: Yes
Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs? A: Yes
What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years? A: Uh ... this survey is getting kind of long.
What is the biggest problem...
...all women have? A: I dunno. Never been one myself.
...all men have? A: They aren't women.
...with our society? A: Not enough Ecstasy to go around.
Which do you prefer: A: Plants
Why?
A: They never run away when you go down on them.
If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy? A: more drugs!
The second?
A: A bunch of corrupt policemen.
The last? A: A one-way ticket to Argentina, real fast-like.
Who has been the greatest influence in your life? A: Ann Hess.
How do people describe you? A: Big, bald, and surly-looking; someone you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley
How do you describe yourself? A: I use flowing language and eloquent phrases to paint a richly-detailed tableau of the splendor that is me.
Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers? A: Yes
Which?
A: Soldier of Fortune, Martha Stewart's Living
What are your favorite shoes? A: Survey schmurvey.
Additional Comments A: It's cool to have a three-letter first name and a four-letter last name