How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat? A: I eat ALL the time. I LOVE food. If you try and take my food I will hit you.
What is your biggest flaw? A: i gots bad grammer
3 favorite authors A: 1.)the unabomber 2.)howard stern 3.)dh lawrence
What are the hallmarks of success in life? A: money
What is your biggest mental fuck-up? A: huh?
What is your favorite animal? A: ducks are cool Describe it.
A: it's a bird
How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her? A: ewww! yucko! Jump her?
A: ten minutes Dump her?
A: 11.5 minutes
How old were you when you first kissed? A: 6 Had sex
A: 17 Smoked Pot?
A: are you a cop?
Do you use recreational drugs? A: No
What?
A: that would be illegal
When? A: you're a cop!
Still?
A: No
Have you ever been married/lived with someone? A: Married
Who worked?
A: she Who cooked?
A: she Who cleaned?
A: she
Do you know how to cook? A: No
Do you like to cook?
A: No
What are the things you cook best? A: cereal, toast
Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deoderant conditioner zitcream aftershave A: all
What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent? A: had a pet cat. it was dead, but I had a good imagination. as a college student? A: well, if you can keep a secret, I actually don't attend college, I just kinda hang out and go to parties as a working stiff? A: no
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be? A: a vegetable, I'm homophobic If I were, what would I be? A: a radish?
If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do? A: go tell him that she's a tease and he's not gonna score.
Do you think there is life after death? A: Yes
On other planets?
A: No
Are you psychic?
A: Yes
Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane? A: Yes
Why?
A: as I said, I'm psychic...
Were you ever in the armed forces? A: No
Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs? A: Yes
What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years? A: the wheel
What is the biggest problem...
...all women have? A: they don't appreciate their breasts like I do
...all men have? A: they can't beat me up
...with our society? A: this is more fun than Mad-Libs!
Which do you prefer: A: Animals
Why?
A: chicks don't dig plants like they do puppies
If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy? A: a million lotto tickets
The second? A: snapple
The last?
A: more snapple
Who has been the greatest influence in your life? A: Barney
How do people describe you? A: less annoying than the olson twins
How do you describe yourself? A: you know those middle aged former rocker types who are bald except for a pathetic pony tail in the back? I'm not like that.
Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers? A: Yes
Which?
A: playboy, soldier of fortune
What are your favorite shoes? A: my ruby-red slippers