How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat? A: Food and I have a longterm monogamous relationship. We love each other very much. I eat because I can't stand to hear my stomach growling at me.
What is your biggest flaw? A: filling out degrading applications
3 favorite authors A: in no particular order: cynthia heimel, various untalented magazine reporters
What are the hallmarks of success in life? A: a house with three garage doors
What is your biggest mental fuck-up? A: suddenly having an asthma attack one day, not previously having that problem...
What is your favorite animal? A: the domestic house cat (siamese, preferably) Describe it. A: loud, cross eyed and fat (my kitty to a tee)
How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her? A: i kiss a girl at the point when i realize i will not be slapped Jump her? A: actually, i prefer to BE jumped Dump her? A: 2 hours if a bad kiss, a lifetime of hell if a good kisser
How old were you when you first kissed? A: 14 (which progressed to...) Had sex A: 14 ( a very unfulfilling coital experience.) Smoked Pot? A: 15 (ceremoniously at the beach....)
Do you use recreational drugs? A: No
What?
A: quit the drug scene...
When? A: when i was 18 (in order to retain the mental power to rhyme sentances...)
Still? A: No
Have you ever been married/lived with someone? A: Married
Who worked?
A: slavery is the more appropriate term here Who cooked? A: not I Who cleaned?
A: not I
Do you know how to cook? A: No
Do you like to cook?
A: No
What are the things you cook best? A: toast
Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deoderant conditioner zitcream aftershave A: nix the aftershave, but the rest have made a place on the bathroom shelf
What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent? A: hop into a trucker's cab and let him drive me home as a college student? A: (see above) as a working stiff? A: not work ( i am parentally supported)
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be? A: a pomegranate...oh, to stain someone's shirt and hands... If I were, what would I be? A: you would be a juice box, preferably apple
If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do? A: nothing. reverse the situation and he would be castruated.
Do you think there is life after death? A: Yes
On other planets?
A: Yes
Are you psychic?
A: No
Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane? A: Yes
Why?
A: it is just like real life, except a little more vividly animated
Were you ever in the armed forces? A: No
Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs? A: Yes
What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years? A: ventolin
What is the biggest problem...
...all women have? A: dull knives
...all men have? A: thick penises
...with our society? A: that it would take me three days to accurately list all of society's problems
Which do you prefer: A: Animals
Why?
A: well, to be honest, i have never cuddled with a fern, so i cannot really say...
If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy? A: a house
The second?
A: a car
The last?
A: a cafe
Who has been the greatest influence in your life? A: only me.
How do people describe you? A: wierd.
How do you describe yourself? A: ditto.
Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers? A: Yes
Which?
A: all of the importants : fashion,music,gossip.
What are your favorite shoes? A: I do love my 8 year old, funky docs.