How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat? A: I feel food sustains life. I eat to sustain my life.
What is your biggest flaw? A: I am obsessed.
3 favorite authors A: Dr. Suess, Bill Waterson, Berke Breathed
What are the hallmarks of success in life? A: Grandkids on your knee, money in the bank, time on your hands.
What is your biggest mental fuck-up? A: I am offended by the word fuck.
What is your favorite animal? A: Elephant. Describe it.
A: Big and fat with a really long nose.
How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her? A: I never really know a girl until I kiss her. Jump her? A: I never jumped a girl. Dump her? A: I never dumped a girl.
How old were you when you first kissed? A: 3 Had sex
A: 23 Smoked Pot?
A: 23
Do you use recreational drugs? A: Yes
What?
A: Caffein
When?
A: When I am awake
Still?
A: Yes
Have you ever been married/lived with someone? A: Married
Who worked?
A: Bofus. Who cooked?
A: Bofus. Who cleaned?
A: Whoever rented the apartment when we moved out.
Do you know how to cook? A: Yes
Do you like to cook? A: Yes
What are the things you cook best? A: Cherry pie. Burritos. Tacos.
Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deoderant conditioner zitcream aftershave A: yes.
What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent? A: Flew a hang glider without lessons. as a college student? A: Took 40 hours in one semester. as a working stiff? A: Swam in the potable water tank of a cargo ship.
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be? A: Zuccinni. If I were, what would I be? A: Peach.
If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do? A: Go fuck somebody else.
Do you think there is life after death? A: Yes
On other planets?
A: Yes
Are you psychic?
A: Yes
Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane? A: Yes
Why?
A: I take the bus to work.
Were you ever in the armed forces? A: Yes
Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs? A: No
What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years? A: Dream whip.
What is the biggest problem...
...all women have? A: Pantyhose.
...all men have? A: Hardons.
...with our society? A: The internal combustion engine.
Which do you prefer: A: Plants
Why?
A: They smell better when you smoke them.
If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy? A: A place.
The second?
A: A bed that doesn't squeak.
The last? A: A chevy.
Who has been the greatest influence in your life? A: My son.
How do people describe you? A: Incredible, fantastic, genius.
How do you describe yourself? A: The old fat guy with a beard.
Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers? A: Yes
Which?
A: Wired IW PS PM
What are your favorite shoes? A: SAS
Additional Comments
A: Whay did you get that guy out of jail?